Regrets... and Feelings

REGRETS
I am so thankful I was able to care for my parents the last few years of their lives.  I was able to have no regrets when they passed away.  I had been able to make peace with them for any differences we may have had.  I was able to not only tell them how much I loved them but to show them as well.  When they left this life I was able to say goodbye with no regrets.  I believe they knew how much I loved them.

But when it is not my own parents, I can't say the same thing.  "Papa" Peck passed away today and I can't say I told him enough how important he was to me and my folks.  I am not sure I was able to help him to know what a wonderful man we saw when we looked at him.  He was so giving and always willing to help.  I hope I thanked him enough for all the amazing things he did for me and my family.

I know that Mom, Dad and Reid are with him now and are telling that, but I pray he knows how I feel about him too.

I wish I could say I have no regrets with his passing, but sadly I can't.  I don't know that I thanked him, complemented him, told him I loved him enough.  I am grateful for my testimony of eternal life, it gives me peace that he can know my heart now and I will be able to tell him when I see him again.

FEELINGS

I am feeling a bit silly.  I remember at mom's funeral there was someone I had to console.  I remember thinking well this is odd, it's my sweet mom and I am having to tell this person it's alright.  Today I was that person.  I would try to console one of the Pecks and they would end up more worried about me.  I know we all grieve differently, but I felt like a bit of a nerd.

I am feeling honored to have been asked by the family to say a prayer at the funeral.  I know it's a prayer, but it is so kind of them to ask me to be involved in any way

I am feeling homesick I don't exactly know how to say this and not sound suicidal.  So I am just going to say it.  The Mercy Me Song Homesick is what I listened to as I drove around tonight.  It just says it all.  In some moments I wish it was me.  Not that I don't love life or want to hurt myself (or worse) but when I think of Tom being with my folks, other family members, my Savior and Heavenly Father, I am a bit jealous.  I wish it was me.  I would like to be with them again.  I just feel homesick for something more than this life.