Showing posts with label Tender Mercy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tender Mercy. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Regrets... and Feelings
REGRETS
I am so thankful I was able to care for my parents the last few years of their lives. I was able to have no regrets when they passed away. I had been able to make peace with them for any differences we may have had. I was able to not only tell them how much I loved them but to show them as well. When they left this life I was able to say goodbye with no regrets. I believe they knew how much I loved them.
But when it is not my own parents, I can't say the same thing. "Papa" Peck passed away today and I can't say I told him enough how important he was to me and my folks. I am not sure I was able to help him to know what a wonderful man we saw when we looked at him. He was so giving and always willing to help. I hope I thanked him enough for all the amazing things he did for me and my family.
I know that Mom, Dad and Reid are with him now and are telling that, but I pray he knows how I feel about him too.
I wish I could say I have no regrets with his passing, but sadly I can't. I don't know that I thanked him, complemented him, told him I loved him enough. I am grateful for my testimony of eternal life, it gives me peace that he can know my heart now and I will be able to tell him when I see him again.
FEELINGS
I am feeling a bit silly. I remember at mom's funeral there was someone I had to console. I remember thinking well this is odd, it's my sweet mom and I am having to tell this person it's alright. Today I was that person. I would try to console one of the Pecks and they would end up more worried about me. I know we all grieve differently, but I felt like a bit of a nerd.
I am feeling honored to have been asked by the family to say a prayer at the funeral. I know it's a prayer, but it is so kind of them to ask me to be involved in any way
I am feeling homesick I don't exactly know how to say this and not sound suicidal. So I am just going to say it. The Mercy Me Song Homesick is what I listened to as I drove around tonight. It just says it all. In some moments I wish it was me. Not that I don't love life or want to hurt myself (or worse) but when I think of Tom being with my folks, other family members, my Savior and Heavenly Father, I am a bit jealous. I wish it was me. I would like to be with them again. I just feel homesick for something more than this life.
I am so thankful I was able to care for my parents the last few years of their lives. I was able to have no regrets when they passed away. I had been able to make peace with them for any differences we may have had. I was able to not only tell them how much I loved them but to show them as well. When they left this life I was able to say goodbye with no regrets. I believe they knew how much I loved them.
But when it is not my own parents, I can't say the same thing. "Papa" Peck passed away today and I can't say I told him enough how important he was to me and my folks. I am not sure I was able to help him to know what a wonderful man we saw when we looked at him. He was so giving and always willing to help. I hope I thanked him enough for all the amazing things he did for me and my family.
I know that Mom, Dad and Reid are with him now and are telling that, but I pray he knows how I feel about him too.
I wish I could say I have no regrets with his passing, but sadly I can't. I don't know that I thanked him, complemented him, told him I loved him enough. I am grateful for my testimony of eternal life, it gives me peace that he can know my heart now and I will be able to tell him when I see him again.
FEELINGS
I am feeling a bit silly. I remember at mom's funeral there was someone I had to console. I remember thinking well this is odd, it's my sweet mom and I am having to tell this person it's alright. Today I was that person. I would try to console one of the Pecks and they would end up more worried about me. I know we all grieve differently, but I felt like a bit of a nerd.
I am feeling honored to have been asked by the family to say a prayer at the funeral. I know it's a prayer, but it is so kind of them to ask me to be involved in any way
I am feeling homesick I don't exactly know how to say this and not sound suicidal. So I am just going to say it. The Mercy Me Song Homesick is what I listened to as I drove around tonight. It just says it all. In some moments I wish it was me. Not that I don't love life or want to hurt myself (or worse) but when I think of Tom being with my folks, other family members, my Savior and Heavenly Father, I am a bit jealous. I wish it was me. I would like to be with them again. I just feel homesick for something more than this life.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
:)
So another Dr visit. He said the little lump I found is not anything to worry about. It is some scar, or some other type of tissue the has collected. He just wants me to message it, hopefully it will go down in size and go away.
The thing he was most concerned about is my voice. It comes in and out. Most of the time it is in, but it still goes out. When he first came in I said "Hello" and of course it went out, so he was concerned, because he had talked to me on the phone and it sounded okay. We talked and my voice came back. I told him that I have noticed stress can seem to affect (hope I used the right word) it. He said that seems to make sense. He would expect that by the end of the day that vocal cord is getting tired and it seems that stress would do the same.
I really like Dr. Gilbert. He is so willing to talk to me about any concerns, silly or not. He also, gives me all the information there is and works to make sure I understand it too. Then, tries to make sure I emotionally okay with everything. He is the kind of person who I think chose well in his vocation. He has great "bedside" or exam room manner!! Another way I know I am blessed!!
Less than a month after having cancer removed and I feel so at peace (even with the finances-not that I know how I am going to take care of it, or how long it will take-I just know it will be okay) with everything in my life and very happy with life!!!
:)
The thing he was most concerned about is my voice. It comes in and out. Most of the time it is in, but it still goes out. When he first came in I said "Hello" and of course it went out, so he was concerned, because he had talked to me on the phone and it sounded okay. We talked and my voice came back. I told him that I have noticed stress can seem to affect (hope I used the right word) it. He said that seems to make sense. He would expect that by the end of the day that vocal cord is getting tired and it seems that stress would do the same.
I really like Dr. Gilbert. He is so willing to talk to me about any concerns, silly or not. He also, gives me all the information there is and works to make sure I understand it too. Then, tries to make sure I emotionally okay with everything. He is the kind of person who I think chose well in his vocation. He has great "bedside" or exam room manner!! Another way I know I am blessed!!
Less than a month after having cancer removed and I feel so at peace (even with the finances-not that I know how I am going to take care of it, or how long it will take-I just know it will be okay) with everything in my life and very happy with life!!!
:)
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Overwhelmed was yesterday. Woke up ready to cry and spent most of the day doing just that.
I know I have been caught up in the business of all of this operation and all that it entails. There so much stuff that needs to be dealt with. Dealing with hospital, and the insurance. This was part of yesterdays adventure. I when I called to see where I was at meeting my deductible I got quite the surprise. Our insurance was cancelled as of June 30th. PANIC!! Turns out there was a late payment. They got the check and by thursday everything will be back to normal. This is just another tender mercy for me. If I hadn't called this would be a BIG BIG MESS, now it's a smallish mess that is being taking care of. Then there is is the little details of life to take care of, library books, primary sub, visiting teaching.
But today I woke up back at happy again. Not sure why, but I literally woke up smiling and happy. I am at peace again.
Today I am back to feeling the tender mercies of knowing this is the right thing to do. Just gonna move forward knowing my Heavenly Father is watching over me. That is where the peace comes from.
I know I have been caught up in the business of all of this operation and all that it entails. There so much stuff that needs to be dealt with. Dealing with hospital, and the insurance. This was part of yesterdays adventure. I when I called to see where I was at meeting my deductible I got quite the surprise. Our insurance was cancelled as of June 30th. PANIC!! Turns out there was a late payment. They got the check and by thursday everything will be back to normal. This is just another tender mercy for me. If I hadn't called this would be a BIG BIG MESS, now it's a smallish mess that is being taking care of. Then there is is the little details of life to take care of, library books, primary sub, visiting teaching.
But today I woke up back at happy again. Not sure why, but I literally woke up smiling and happy. I am at peace again.
Today I am back to feeling the tender mercies of knowing this is the right thing to do. Just gonna move forward knowing my Heavenly Father is watching over me. That is where the peace comes from.
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