A few really sweet things have happened...

A few days ago I was at Phil and Jody's and Meg and I were outside, she got out the chalk and decided to do some sidewalk drawing.  She started drawing a figure and said, I am drawing your Mom.  Let's see she is not to big, she needs eyebrows and hair, hands.

She finishes with this sweet drawing and then she lets me take her picture with the drawing of my Mom, she makes sure she is holding her hand.

She made me a little misty eyed.  She just touched my heart when I really needed it.

A few days later, Alex said to me - I miss my great, great great grandpa.  He died before I was born.
I said I'll bet he did.
Then he added.. But I did meet his wife, she held me when I was a brand new baby...Right Cindy.
I asked him how he looked at her and my boy gave me a big eyed grin.

I realized he he was talking about my folks.  He has a few to many Greats in there, but he described the time right after he came home from the hospital, and it was a few weeks before Mom died.  I realize it was a story I have told him about him and Mom, but the fact he was talking about my Dad and my Mom was so heart warming.

I don't know if the folks are so close that the kids can feel them.  Or if I am seeing more in things now, but these have really helped me feel their love.



I have also been having less sweet things happening.

I have been feeling OBSESSED about getting my advanced medical directive finished before the procedure.  I have read it and decided about how I want to fill it out.  I have even talked to the the people I want making decisions if I can't.  I don't know why this has become so important but I have to finish it.

The other much less sweet thing is the way I have been feeling.  I am just not feeling like myself.  I don't know what is happening.  I feel grouchy and mean all the time.  I don't really want to be around anyone, I just want to be an armadillo and curl up and protect myself, but I don't really even know what I want to protect myself against.  I don't know if this is side effects from the cancer operation, or if it is medications or fear about the upcoming procedure, all I know is I don't really like it.

I hope that when I get over this I will still have someone who cares for me.