Blessed!

I came home tonight after a long day at work in the middle of a very long work week to find a sweet surprise from the sweet girls and leaders in the Midvale 4th ward activity days!  I feel so blessed!

 Bruises by Train & Ashley Monroe

This song is one of my favorites currently.  It’s on repeat on my i-pod a lot lately.  And to be really honest I cry almost every time it plays.   

It reminds ME to be kind to everyone, because we all got bruises.  Instead of being bugged because people do things or act differently that I would or think they should, I need to see why they do what they do and appreciate

the difference. The bruises truly do make for better conversation and richer relationships.   

It also reminds me to be kinder to myself and to know the bruises make me a richer person for the pains of life that I have endured. 

 Also, you gotta love workin’ Que sera into a song!

You're not alone in how you've been

Everybody loses-we all got bruises

Please don't fix a thing-whatever you do

These bruises makes for better conversation

Everybody loses-we all got bruises

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmXaaEvnnOQ

Been awhile...

It has been awhile since I have written in the blog.  I know this about myself, when life get very hard I don't really like to document it.  Thus, the reason for the long absence.

Since January 1st I have been un (or under) employed.  I have been able to keep the seasonal job I started in November, so I went from working 8-16 hours EVERYDAY since November to working about 16 hours a week.  A bit of a shock to the system, and the pocketbook.

Another big shock, how not having a job is so emotionally draining.  My self esteem has taken quite a beating, and the longer I am unemployed the worse I feel about myself.  I know that I am more than what I do for a living, but the fear of not being able to pay bills is devastating.  I am okay currently, but the fear of what is around the corner is scary.  I tried to start a program with my mortgage company to help with the payment until I find a job, they are actually willing to work with me, but there are a lot of hoops to jump through.  I am afraid I will be in foreclosure by the time all the requirements are met.

There are always times I miss Mom and Dad more then others, but to be honest this makes me so very homesick for them.  I spend time crying because I miss them so much.  When they were here, I knew they would always be there to help me.  Financially if they could, but emotionally always.  I just want to put my head on their shoulders and cry.  When they passed away I knew my safety net was gone.  I didn't know it would be less than 10 years before I would have been through cancer and job loss, feeling totally alone.

Totally alone is not fair.  I have amazing friends and family.  One friend took me to lunch and told me not to to argue, then handed me money and told me it was for emergencies.  She then told me that she knew of a slush fund and I would not loose the house.  Then she helped me come up with ideas of where to look for jobs.  When she sees something she calls or sends me a message ASAP.  I have had family members offer there homes if I end up selling this house.  Everyone has been so loving and supportive.  I am truly blessed.

I have begun attending the temple on days when I don't have classes, or job interviews.  I am so thankful for that.  It truly makes a difference.  This experience has brought me closer to my Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ.  I am so thankful I can turn to them.  There have been may times when I find myself pouring out my heart and just crying my eyes out.  I know they understand and they are there to comfort and guide me.

I don't know when I will get a job,  I don't know what will have to happen before then,  I don't know if I will be in this house or somewhere else.  But somethings I do know... I am blessed with the love of family and friends, and knowing I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and His Son my Savior, who has made it possible for me to make it though this and be able to return and live with him.   For all that my heart is full of gratitude.

Kings and Queens for a Song

I prepared this for last week, but they had so much fun I promised we could do it this week too.  Two for One, not bad.

I picked a child and they chose a song from the list of songs we are doing for this years Primary Presentation in sacrament meeting.  Then I chose a child and sent them into the hallway.  The child who chose the song now chooses a word from the song.  They wrote the word on a piece of paper (I used post-it notes)

and we paper clipped the paper to a crown (I got 2 for $1 at the dollar store).  So when you wore the crown you could not see the word, but the people looking at you could.  

 The child in the hall comes in and I put the crown on their head.  Then we sing... Sr would NOT sing that word, or in some cases phrases.    The child wearing the crown had to guess what the word was.   I think the hardest word turned out to be THE and probably because I kept forgetting how much it was in the song.

For Jr. we only did a few songs, one was Popcorn Popping, I Am A Child of God, and Follow the Prophet.  For this group the song on the crown got sung the loudest.

This has ended up being a really fun way to review the songs.  I am sure we will use it again!  

Thanks for the idea to the blog i got the idea from (sorry I can't remember it)

Convention Week...

The week that ended up changing my life....

I Worked...

Monday - 13 1/2 Hours
Tuesday - 16 + Hours LOTS of Tears...
45 minutes of sleep
Wednesday - 17 + Hours LOTS of tears....
Bad thing is I wanted to swear a lot, and did, at least in my brain.....good thing is with only about 45 minutes of sleep since I woke up Tuesday morning I was at my best as a comic (without swearing)
Thursday - 13 + Hours
Friday - 10 Hours

Lots of Diet Coke

If this was any other year, I would think I was getting off easy.  It is a light convention work week, not even one twenty hour day.  But this was no regular convention.   Because of one announcement and this email.

It's Official!

    
 

The artists and music you've come to love through Sounds of Zion are making a move to R Legacy Entertainment! We're excited about this transition and look forward to the great things this change will accomplish in creating greater exposure and album sales for our artists and the stores that sell their titles.

The Sounds of Zion name will accompany this transition, and become an imprint of R Legacy. The transition date is September 2nd.

Until then, we'll continue to serve stores just as we always have. After that date, all orders for music will go through R Legacy.

And the future of the remaining portions of Sounds of Zion? Well, we have more news coming your way on that in the coming weeks. Stay tuned!

We appreciate all our wonderful artists and the store owners who have carried their music these many years. This is a change filled with mixed emotions, but we know this move will be beneficial to everyone involved.

Sincerely,

Doyl PeckSounds of Zion      

Life has changed.
The hunt for a job begins.  After over 20 years in the LDS Products industry, it is now time to find a new direction in life.

Yikes, I am so very scared, I know it will be okay at some point, but i am scared right now.

A Child's Prayer

This week, we were working on A Child's Prayer.  So after trying to come up with new ideas for a song that we sing a bit I use the Sunday Saver's Singing Time pictures and then I found these cute hand  die cuts with a hole in the middle.  Inside half of the hands I put a Q and the other half an A.

Then we went through the song and looked for Questions and the Answers to them.

 I was surprised by something.  In the first verse it mentions feeling the Spirit and remembering something.  I had never really paid attention to that, but the song not only asks questions and answers them, but it also show a couple of ways in which they can be answered.

Another reason to love this song.

Sing or Dare

I decided to start keeping track of what I do for singing time.  That way i can decide if it is worth doing again, and improving.  Also reminding me to do some of the thing that worked well.

So this week I am doing a SING or DARE game.  The children can choose to pick a song from the sing enevelope or a dare from the dare envelope.  

I have a large laminated board that i taped to signs on.

I have a list of the songs we are working on for the year in the Sing Pocket

I put a bunch of silly things to do in the Dare Pocket

It worked pretty well.  There were plenty of dares and songs, we didn't run out of either.  The older kids surprised me by leaning more to the songs.  The younger kids just the opposite.  There was only a couple of children that chose songs, they did the dares.   It was pretty fun, and some of the adults even joined in the fun.

Wow, it's a been about a year since i found the weird thing in my neck, that ended with my thyroid being removed and finding cancer.  Amazing.

a bit of a wake up call

I have felt like I maybe I shouldn't be able to say I am a cancer survivor.  Thyroid cancer seems to be an "easy cancer".  I watch other people struggle with radiation, chemo,  the sickness, all the craziness, the constant threat of death and all that comes with it.  Here I am with a nice scar on my neck, some bills what will take awhile to pay off, but that is about all.

You hear of all kinds of support groups, fund raisers, awareness,  research for some many types of cancer.  People loose their lives to all types of cancer, but very seldom do you hear of complications from thyroid cancer.  In fact what I hear the most is that even oncologist would choose thyroid cancer if they could choose a type to have.

But this week there was a bit of a wake up call.  Roger Ebert, a movie critic died.  I had forgotten about him.  He was a popular critic, and there have been reports about his life, and his death.  Several years ago he also had thyroid cancer.  He lost his jaw and his ability to speak because of it.  It very much transformed his life.  He went from speaking for a living, to not being able to speak.  It changed his appearance a great deal, and now the return of cancer has taken his life.

I am lucky to be healthy and have a scar to remind me of what I have been through.  But today I am realizing just how very lucky I am.  I have had a cancer that could have just as easily taken my life.  But it didn't.  For whatever reason I was blessed to find it, and I am now healthy and happy.  I may have had an "easy cancer", but it was cancer, and that can be dangerous.

I know I am blessed.

Can't Believe it, but it's here.

P. A LOT!!!

Just because I like to laugh....

I want this kid, lucky parents!

Just a reminder to myself!

My Sweet Boy

I took my nephew and niece shopping for a birthday present for their mom.  He got a Willy Wonka DVD and she got a heart locket necklace.

When mom opened the DVD thye found it was one that they already had.  Soon he was in the other room crying.  I went to talk to him, he was heartbroken that he got something she already had.  He was worried that she was upset and how would he be able to have a present she didn't have.  He could not be consoled until we made a plan to exchange it.  So tonight we went to to store and exchanged the movie.  On the way home he wanted to wrap it and do heavy heavy again for this gift.  He just wanted Mom to be happy!  He is such a sweet boy.  I just love him!

"Memories"...sing with me... "Memories"

I remember being young and spending time every summer with my cousin Robyn at our Grandma's house in Murray.  We would go to church with Grandma and I remember she was always the primary chorister.  She was so good at it.  I remember even as a small child thinking "Wow, how does she do that. "  I knew zero about music (still don't).  It seemed amazing that someone in my family could do anything musical.  (I have since realized that there is lots of musical talent in my family, just not with me. )   I also remember thinking well that is one calling I am never gonna have.

Fast forward to today.  I have had the calling of primary chorister now 3 times, and was a permanent  substitute for about a year also.  This time it's been about 5 years.  You never really know what the Lord has in store.

The first time I was given this calling I remember thinking this is crazy they have the wrong person.  I can't do this, I don't know anything about music.  Now years and years later I still don't know much about music except that I love it.  I mess up all the time but this is one of my favorite callings.  I guess I am more like my grandma that I could have ever wished.  :)

Regrets... and Feelings

REGRETS
I am so thankful I was able to care for my parents the last few years of their lives.  I was able to have no regrets when they passed away.  I had been able to make peace with them for any differences we may have had.  I was able to not only tell them how much I loved them but to show them as well.  When they left this life I was able to say goodbye with no regrets.  I believe they knew how much I loved them.

But when it is not my own parents, I can't say the same thing.  "Papa" Peck passed away today and I can't say I told him enough how important he was to me and my folks.  I am not sure I was able to help him to know what a wonderful man we saw when we looked at him.  He was so giving and always willing to help.  I hope I thanked him enough for all the amazing things he did for me and my family.

I know that Mom, Dad and Reid are with him now and are telling that, but I pray he knows how I feel about him too.

I wish I could say I have no regrets with his passing, but sadly I can't.  I don't know that I thanked him, complemented him, told him I loved him enough.  I am grateful for my testimony of eternal life, it gives me peace that he can know my heart now and I will be able to tell him when I see him again.

FEELINGS

I am feeling a bit silly.  I remember at mom's funeral there was someone I had to console.  I remember thinking well this is odd, it's my sweet mom and I am having to tell this person it's alright.  Today I was that person.  I would try to console one of the Pecks and they would end up more worried about me.  I know we all grieve differently, but I felt like a bit of a nerd.

I am feeling honored to have been asked by the family to say a prayer at the funeral.  I know it's a prayer, but it is so kind of them to ask me to be involved in any way

I am feeling homesick I don't exactly know how to say this and not sound suicidal.  So I am just going to say it.  The Mercy Me Song Homesick is what I listened to as I drove around tonight.  It just says it all.  In some moments I wish it was me.  Not that I don't love life or want to hurt myself (or worse) but when I think of Tom being with my folks, other family members, my Savior and Heavenly Father, I am a bit jealous.  I wish it was me.  I would like to be with them again.  I just feel homesick for something more than this life.

Thank you Sarah - You know me !

Another one

Another milestone...

The last blood tests looked good, so good that Dr. Gilbert said I don't need anymore for 6 months!
At that time there will be an ultrasound as well, just to make sure things are still good.

 I feel pretty happy.

Personal Milestone

I know it only matters to me but on October 15, 2012, I wore a necklace.  It is a little thing but it has scared me to put one on.  Since the thyroid surgery, everything bothers me, ruffles, material you name it and it seems to give me anxiety.

Sweet Mel and I were looking at necklaces over the weekend, and I just took a breath and put one on.  She was proud, but mentioned that I would have to let go of it.  I couldn't actually wear the necklace holding it up off me, Dang!

So wearing a necklace all day was a really big thing.  I felt a bit overwhelmed a few times, but I survived, and looked kind of cute....I think.

Yeah!

Benign

Is there a nicer word?  I am sure there is but when your choices or malignant or benign, it is an amazingly wonderful, beautiful word.

I finally got the results.  Benign.  It is surprising how you don't even realize that you were holding your breathe, until you breathe again.

I have felt this was going to be okay, but have felt cautious since the first visit to Dr. Steele.  But today there was a lightness & happiness, that has been missing for awhile.  Several months actually.  It is so nice to feel good again, kind of shocking I felt so good.

 There is nothing wrong with that right?

No News is Good News

RIGHT?

I haven't heard from Dr. Steele, so I am believing no news is good news.  Tomorrow may be different but for today this is what I am feeling.

Did 5 hours of work.  (Once I got rid of the migraine I realized I was tired and a bit achy - go figure).

 :)